For something a bit lighter, we thought it was about time we posted this infamous "petition" celebrating the diversity between Britain and America. This is one of several versions that have been floating around the internet for years (contrary to popular belief, it wasn't written by John Cleese of Monty Python!). We'll post the American rebuttal soon...
"To
the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your
new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85%
of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for
further elections.
The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.
A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You
should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look
up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U'
will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping
the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise,
you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You
will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not
'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You
will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g.
Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you
can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should
raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using
the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication.
Look up "interspersed."
There will be
no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough
to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you
learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad
language as often.
Recent Comments